To the boy I never actually dated, but it sure felt like I did,
If you’re reading this, congratulations, you’ve found my blog, and if you know who you are, I’m not that surprised, my feelings were in no way a secret.
I spent nearly a year of my life hoping you would want to take our friendship to something else. I analyzed every text, conversation, and action. I wondered what you told your friends about me and if you ever thought about me as more than as a friend. There were days I was sure we would be more than friends– your actions, at times, spoke to loudly for me to think you saw me as just a friend.
My friends, your friends, our teachers saw the way I felt and, hopefully, the way you felt, too. Mixed signals and deep conversations over snapchat text were all that I got in the end. College move in day arrived, and I realized it was time to move on.
I’m not sure if you meant to, but you played with my feelings, and it hurt, and sometimes, even today, it still hurts. I’ve learned to live with the pain, and day by day, the pain goes away little by little.
You still cross my mind every now and then, and I still answer your occasional text or snapchat, but its time I move on. You were never gonna be what I wanted you to be, and I’ve come to accept that.
Now that I’ve put my feelings and the hurt on paper, I have decided that it’s time for me to completely move on. No more guilt after I flirt with a guy at college or after a guy asks me out– you no longer deserve space in my mind; you no longer deserve my thoughts.
I’ll talk to you the next time you snapchat me(maybe),